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12/10/2017

Handy-Dandy List of Things To Do When-You-Know-What Hits The Fan

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Christmas.  Such a magical time.  Just look at the Hallmark channel and you'll realize that December is the month where all your dreams come true and long-feuding families put their differences aside and everyone loves Jesus.  Everyone knows this.
If only it were true.  Like Elvis, you may find yourself with a deep, deep blue Christmas for a variety of reasons.  Looking around and seeing everyone else so merry doesn't help.  Whether you're going through money troubles, love life troubles, mother-in-law troubles, midlife crisis troubles, quarter life crisis troubles, end of life crisis troubles or anything else, take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. Someone close to you is probably going through a healthy load of you-know-what, too, and sticking it out together will be better than going it alone.  For those times when all seems for naught, take time to take care of yourself and here's a happy list of things you can do.  Enjoy!

1) Re-read a favorite book
2) Re-watch a favorite movie
3) Re-watch a favorite TV show
4) Start a new TV show (like "Downton Abbey")
5) On second thought, don't start "Downton Abbey".  It will just make you sadder.
6) Go to the park
7) Go to the park at night
8) Go to the park at night naked
9) Scratch 8
10) Visit your favorite restaurant
11) Enjoy time with your pet(s)
12) Call your mother
13) Call your father
14) Call your sister
15) Call your brother
16) Call your grandma
17) I'm so sorry.  I forgot that you're Grandma is dead.
18) Call your grandpa.
19) Oh darn.  Him, too?  I'm really sorry
20) Try cooking
21) Try cooking meth
22) Go skydiving
23) Go make a snow angel
24) Take a nice, relaxing drive
25) But not in the city.  That won't be relaxing
26) And not in the country, either.  If your car breaks down, you'll be stranded in the middle of nowhere
27) I guess you really can't go driving through subdivisions, either.  People will think you're creepy.
28) Go drive on the expressway. 
29) And keep driving
30) Keep driving
31) Go to Disney World
32) Seek out Dug (the dog from "Up")
33) Pet Dug
34) Go to the Haunted Mansion
35) Hide in the Haunted Mansion
37) Sleep in the Haunted Mansion
38) Run wild in Disney World at night
39) Be crowned supreme ruler of all Disney World
40) Drive to Disney Land
41) Go back and notice that I skipped #36
42) But you already noticed that because you're very smart
43) Plant a flower
44) Go to www.lulu.com and buy a copy of one of Deanna Strasse's scripts
45) I'm sorry.  I shouldn't advertise like that.  I'm such a sell out
46) Don't be a sell out
47) Go watch silly videos on YouTube (may I suggest Very MaryKate or Sam and Mickey Barbie videos)
48) Turn on the TV.  Hit mute.  Fill in the dialogue yourself.
49) Go to the theatre.  Hit mute.  Realize that you can't hit mute on a theatre performance because theatre is live and raw and beautiful and don't stop for nobody
50) Respect theatre for being a strong, independent woman who don't need no man
51) Respect yourself because you are a strong, independent woman who don't need no man
52) Learn a new language
53) Invent a new language
54) Drink coffee
55) Drink lots of coffee
56) Call a friend 
57) Have a nice adult beverage 
58) Have you been drinking enough water?
59) Go for a walk
60) Go for a run
61) Scratch 60.  Unless you're into that sort of thing.
62) Yell random women's names (i.e. "STELLA!")
63) Kindly remind yourself that that person who didn't want to go on a date with you all those years ago...yeah that person...he/she is a loser and it's totally their loss.
64) Kindly remind yourself that you are enough.
65) Seriously.  Are you drinking enough water?
66) Cuddle with a favorite pet
67) Cuddle with the other pets so they don't feel rejected 
68) Look at the stars
​69) Feel your own heartbeat 
70) When in doubt, eat ice cream.

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