Twas The Night Before Christmas...And I Couldn't Sleep

(A Short Play)

SCENE: Deanna enters from her bedroom, walks to the kitchen area of her apartment and begins making herself a cup of tea, trying to be quiet as not to wake her roommate Melody.  Deanna doesn't own a tea kettle so she puts water into a mug and then places it into the microwave.  Some people would say this is weird.  Deanna says if you think this is weird, you should buy her a tea kettle...otherwise SHOOSH.  Anyway, Deanna digresses.  As she's watching the microwave spin, Deanna realizes that she's not alone.  She looks into the living room.

DEANNA; Hello?  Please don't be a murderer.

(We hear a friendly voice call out in the darkness)

VOICE: No.  I'm not a murderer.

(Someone turns on a light in the living room.  It's Santa.  Deanna is surprised to say the least)

DEANNA: Oh.  Hey.  Santa.  This is...awkward.

SANTA: Merry Christmas, Deanna.

DEANNA: Merry, Christmas, Santa.  I...uh...honestly wasn't expecting you.

SANTA: Why not?

DEANNA: Well, first off, Melody and I don't really have a tree...or a chimney.  

SANTA: (Eyeing the tiny tree sitting by the record player) You didn't have a chimney in your childhood home, either, but I still managed to get in, didn't I?

DEANNA: I'm going to ignore how creepy that sounded.

SANTA: Now that I've said it aloud, that is probably a good idea.  Why else weren't you expecting me?

DEANNA: Well, I mean...I guess I know you haven't brought me anything.  I haven't been exactly nice this year.

SANTA: (Laughing) Ho ho ho.

DEANNA: No, not like that.

SANTA: What?

DEANNA: I thought--

SANTA: You thought what?

DEANNA: I thought you were making an...I thought you were assuming something--

SANTA: What?

DEANNA: Never mind.  It doesn't matter.  Sorry.  I'm awkward.  Anyway, I expect all you've got for me is coal, which, in this day and age, is actually kind of good to have so I guess I'll take some.  (She holds out her hands)

SANTA: Your tea is done.

DEANNA: Oh.  Yeah.  (She fetches her mug from the microwave) Would you like a cup of tea?

SANTA: Do you have a kettle?

DEANNA: No.

SANTA: Then no thank you.  

DEANNA: Suit yourself.  (She opens a tea bag an puts it into the mug)  Please sit down. It's been a while.  Let's catch up.

SANTA: I'm sorry, Deanna, but I can't stay long.  It's my busy time of the year, you know.

DEANNA: Oh.  Yeah.  Of course.  Duh.  Sorry.

SANTA: Stop apologizing for everything.

DEANNA: Right.  Okay.  

SANTA: You not being so nice...as you put it...is exactly why I came here tonight.  Truth be told, I don't have a present for you, Deanna.  

DEANNA: Look, I know I've made some mistakes.  I don't to be rude, but you don't need to rub it in my face.  I know.  I'm trying to change.  I know I've been, well, naughty and...and...I just know.

SANTA: I want to talk to you about something, Deanna.  Something you know and love.

DEANNA: Okay.

SANTA: I want to talk to you about Doctor Who.

DEANNA: I can do that.  

SANTA: I want to talk to you about one of your favorite Doctors.

DEANNA: Peter Capaldi?

SANTA: Yes.  Personally, I think he's too grumpy for my taste.  Ten will always be my Doctor.

DEANNA: Look, I know that 12 didn't get the best story lines all the time, but I like the direction he was taking the character.  Very matter-of-fact.  Less crying drama.  Less kissing women.  Just chasing aliens and saying sassy lines.  

SANTA: But Rose!  Gosh, the story line with 10 and Rose?!?  I can't just forget that.

DEANNA: Yeah, but once Rose left, I didn't like 10 as much.  I get that Martha is a sassy, independent woman and I didn't like her unrequited love drama, and the same really goes for the Ponds.  "Who is Amy going to pick?  The Doctor?  Rory?  Who will it be?!"  Goodness me, how many times can we ask this question?!

SANTA: I do agree with you on that.  The Ponds outstayed their welcome if you ask me.  And the River story just kind of ended.  

DEANNA: I know!

SANTA: Maybe it's because I like Rose so much, but I never got on the River bandwagon.  Maybe if I rewatch her seasons.  But wait!  I digress!  We're talking about Peter Capaldi.

DEANNA: Right.  Sorry.

SANTA: Stop apologizing.

DEANNA: Right.

SANTA: Okay.  Season 8.  Episode 2.  Into The Dalek. What question does The Doctor ask Clara in regards to himself?

DEANNA: "Am I a good man?"

SANTA: And what was her response?

DEANNA: Something like, "I don't know, but you try, and that's what matters."

SANTA: (Smiles) Well, there you are.  (He turns to go)

DEANNA: Wait!  What was that all about?  

SANTA: "I don't know, but you try, and that's what matters."

DEANNA: But what if I don't try?  What if I think I'm trying but really I'm just selfish?  I watched a documentary the other day on psychopaths, and it left me wondering if maybe I'm a psychopath.  What if I just don't care about anybody else?  We think we're being selfless, but aren't we always just doing selfless things because it makes us feel better about ourselves?  I do nice things, but what if I do them for the wrong reasons?  Psychopaths are really good at making people believe in them and maybe I'm so good at lying, that I've even lied to myself!!

SANTA: Deanna, you're not a psychopath, but you do have high-functioning anxiety.  

DEANNA: I guess you're right.   

SANTA: Take my advice: drink your tea and go to bed.  

DEANNA: I can't sleep.

SANTA: Well, watch a couple episodes of "Downton Abbey", then.  Or "Doctor Who'.  Watch Into the Dalek until my words really click with you.  Though, I daresay, that season 10 was Peter Capaldi's best season.  

DEANNA: I would agree with you on that one.

(The two share a smile)

SANTA: Merry Christmas, Deanna.

DEANNA: Merry Christmas, Santa.

(Santa exits.  Deanna sits and drinks her tea, thinking.  THE END​)